Voices of Return: Haider

 I started thinking about emigrating in 2014 because I wanted to give my children a good future, and in Iraq the security situation was too volatile for me to do to that – or so I thought. After lengthy discussions with my wife, we planned our migration journey and left in July 2015. We were hoping I would be able to get a good job that would give us a good and dignified life.  

I took many risks with this decision! I risked my life and those of my family. The journey was difficult both financially and morally. We did not expect the dangers we faced. We thought we would travel in a big boat, but we ended up in a small one full of people. We did not expect that there would be coast guards and chases. The situation was tragic. We felt trapped and were indeed treated like prisoners.  

We faced so many challenges! We went through forests that felt like mazes, the sea crossing was extremely dangerous, and we could not trust anyone.  

I almost lost my daughter in the forest. At one point I could hear her voice but could not see her. The police caught up with us and ordered us to stop but I could not bear the thought of losing her, so I disobeyed orders and ran to look for her. Fortunately, I found her safe and sound.  

When we finally arrived in Germany, I was hoping I would find what we were looking for. There were many positive aspects to life in Germany. We found safety and order, and learned many things. However, I did not find the stability we were longing for.  

Since I had time on my hands, I learned the language and got several small, low-skilled jobs, only none were what I was hoping to do, so I quit and decided to stay home. I always thought I would have a future in Germany, but the jobs I got did not cover for all our expenses and were barely enough to buy us food.  

On top of our financial hardship, our asylum request was rejected, so we decided to go back home to Iraq – also to preserve our customs and traditions. Of course, I was afraid to go back. There were so many unknowns and uncertainties; I worried about my children’s future, finding a new job, finding a home, integrating into society again and regaining what we lost. Despite my fears, however, when we came back, everything seemed easy. We were able to get back on our feet and recover what we lost, thanks to our determination and the help of family and friends.  

When we returned to Iraq in September of 2020, I was thrilled to see my mother, my brothers, our home and my old streets. Meeting with my childhood friends felt like a blessing.  

We don't deny that we had unforgettable moments in Germany. Nature was stunning, homes were beautiful, schools were well designed. And there are so many good things about the German people.  

After we came back, I worked hard to reestablish myself here. I currently work on the programming team of an app-based parcel delivery company, and I have achieved what I could not achieve in Germany.  

My advice to everyone, whether they want to migrate or stay, is to choose a goal and work towards it. Iraq is not perfect, but neither is Germany – although it does have a better system than Iraq’s – and in the end, Iraq is our home. If people want to leave Iraq regardless, my advice would be to think carefully before emigrating and analyse the situation thoroughly to protect your family. The difficulties and challenges must be considered before taking steps toward emigration.  

I don’t think we will emigrate again. The difficulties and dangers we lived through marked us deeply. I could have lost my children during the journey and must now live with this feeling. I want to focus on my future and that of my family here, in our homeland. If we ever emigrate again, however, I would not go through the same channel. I would use regular pathways to move to protect my family and better focus on getting a decent job and housing. I am sure that there are ways to do so. 

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